1,790 thoughts on “You should’ve asked

  1. Wow this is the most sexist nonsense I’ve read this year.
    This really lets womenkind down.

    We do not all think like this because it isn’t the 1950s.

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    1. Lol try looking beyond your personal environment and think about how most households are. This is spot on on how women on take much more responsibility at home because of the absence of responsibility from their partnes.

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    2. Tbh you’re the only regressive here because you think your experiences 1:1 speak for other women constantly.

      You just don’t care about other womens’ experiences that much, or the endless statistics/research actually indicating that the artist actually…has a point. There’s even stuff on how single mothers often have less chores than married mothers (which is outrageous–imaging having a partner yet having your workload INCREASE). Literally she never implied that ALL women experience this either. Would you get offended if your friend expresses that she feels as if her husband has a case of weaponized incompetence? “Oh no, you’re a blight on womankind for living in the 1950s!” Lol. What even is that? You seem like the type of person to just start going on about how backwards a woman is, if she is pressured into such a role.

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    3. Wow then I guess it doesn’t apply to you then? I don’t know why your screen name is Ann Smith when you’re clearly a man LOL There’s not a single woman or mom out here doing all these things and looks at this and says “this is sexist!” Get a grip, sir.

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  2. Asked my boyfriend to read this, then asked him again, and again, and again. Finally today. he read it, kissed my forehead and did an hour of stuff neither of us wanted to around the house. Thank you for animating this also. Hope I have more mental space in the future and am not the “To Do List Generator” as much in the future.

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  3. As if men don’t have their own mental loads. We go to our jobs, serve others, take lashings from our peers, customers, and supervisors, go home and are expected to walk right in the door and start chores serving another person so that they don’t have a “mental load” of their own. Both partners have different and shared responsibilities, but when you insinuate that the man doesn’t do anything, you can’t expect to be taken any more seriously than a sniveling little brat that’s pitching a tantrum for a candy bar in the checkout lane while both it’s parents ignore it.

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    1. Let me get this straight:

      ‘Because men have “mental loads” from their jobs, women with “mental loads” from their jobs and mental load from taking care of the house, shouldn’t give men “additional” chores to do, serving “another person”.’

      If this represents thinking capabilities and reading comprehension of men who are bigots then we’re all in for a fun life.

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    2. Not to be rude, but women work too and go through everything that you listed there plus the mental load that was mentioned in the comic, which is the whole reason why it is unfair. It’s not insinuated that men don’t do anything, but that women do more when it comes to taking care of the household (even if both parties are working).

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    3. Took me a second to stop laughing. Way to literally miss the ENTIRE POINT.

      Women go to their jobs, serve others, take lashings from their peers, customers, and supervisors (and generally women have less recourse because if they stand up for themselves they’re labeled the “office bitch” or if they report sexual harassment then they’re the “bitch that can’t take a joke”), go home and aren’t “expected to” but actually DO start chores and serving another person.

      Here’s a quick test.. if you can’t tell me what indoor household supplies are low and need to be purchased within the next week (cooking spices, condiments, detergent, hand soap, toilet paper, dryer sheets, paper towels, vacuum filters..) and your partner can?

      She’s the one handling the mental load and you’re not pulling your fucking weight.

      “Realist Man” lmaaoo k

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    4. Except women like me we do both. I work and am the household and Kids manager. And yes my husband is in the way to learn to take the same duty and resposibility. But its a process because He saw and learned it differently in His Family. So we are getting closer. And I can recommend: make a list with all the ‘having a Home, children, car, Garden so on’ tasks you can come up. Thats what we did. And we were both asonished how much more I am doing. So it was a help for my husband, cause many things I am doing are “invisible” to him and that makes it unfair to him if I complain rather that taking a logical move in how to clarify the facts. (Sorry I am from Germany. My Englisch isnt fluent)

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    5. I work just as hard as my boyfriend, I am just as tired as he is after we both come home from a shift of 9 hours. We both go to our jobs, serve others, take lashings from our peers, customers, and supervisors, go home and do things we DO NOT want to do for the benefit of our SHARED household we BOTH LIVE IN. So I’m expected to serve someone else as soon as I come home from my own job, just because my boyfriend went through my exact same daily experience? Who is supposed to do all the chores in the house? And why is it me who has to think about my job all day, then come home and think about everything that needs to be done around the house or for the house? Am I supposed to work 24/7 for my employer AND my boyfriend (for free?)? We are just as exhausted once we’re home from work, and either no one does anything because we don’t want to “start chores serving another person so that they don’t have a mental load of their own” and the household falls apart, or I do all the work and manage my boyfriend around and continue to work once I’m in my own house because he needs to be told what to do like I’m his mother, or we both contribute to our chores when we both don’t want to because we’re both adults living under the same roof and we HELP each other because we LOVE each other. It must suck to be your partner oh my god. You sound so entitled and self centered I’m so glad I have no one like you in my life.

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  4. This is my life. What woman would knowingly add kids to this dynamic? It’s self abuse to even consider it. Thank you for putting it so eloquently. I’ve explained each part of this to my partner and he doesn’t get it, though he wants to. Maybe it’s because it’s drawn, or because it’s third-party, but it captures what I’ve been trying to say in a way I never could. I’m definitely showing this to him. I cried so hard when I discovered this because FINALLY someone else understood what I’ve been trying so hard to communicate.

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  5. Men do have their own mental loads.
    The post is about women who may be working full-time they do all of the planning all of the meal preparing all of the child care and child rearing. Women who just want a break. Women who want some assistance without having to ask for it. So this is not addressing all men. There are men who are very aware and involved.

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  6. Imagine making this statement: “We go to our jobs, serve others, take lashings from our peers, customers, and supervisors, go home and are expected to walk right in the door and start chores serving another person…” not realizing that this is the standard for the majority of women today and it being the basis for your argument against this article.

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  7. Here is where I struggle with this…I’m perceptive enough to understand that isn’t actually about the task, it’s about the feeling of being overwhelmed. Hence the “mental” part of the mental load. I understand that, so, if you’re a man reading this, trying to argue a tit-for-tat on “well I do these things” will never work. It’s about feelings, not tasks.

    Until it becomes about tasks.

    Here is an example: I like to think I’m a pretty involved dad. My young daughter needed her diaper changed. So I started changing it, and as babies do, they get fussy and don’t want to be still. So my wife comes in and helps me change her. I didn’t ask for this help. And I’m like “I got it.” And she says, literally, “it’s a two person job.” (It isn’t.) So, who decides how many people are needed for a job? Managers.

    And this happens over and over. I don’t *want* to live in a messy house, so I will clean up, I’m happy to. I was raised mostly by my mom; the marriage did not last long. So I definitely know how to clean and prep, and take care of kids (oldest of three). So when I am trying to do something, and I’m told I’m either doing the wrong thing (priority) or doing things in the wrong way, of course I’m going to learn to defer to you. Then when I say “how can I help,” I’m told I shouldn’t defer to my partner. I don’t think you can have it both ways.

    I try to encourage my wife to go out with her friends, go to conferences for business (she earns much more than I do, so her career growth is essential for our growth as a family), take a girls trip etc. When she goes away, it’s usually easier for me to take care of everything because I can do it without feeling like I’m being hassled. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself and our two kids and don’t need help.

    I’m just incredibly frustrated by this concept and its application, or maybe there really is just too much to do for parents of young kids. If you’re not a deadbeat dad I think a more subtle approach would be helpful, but nothing seems to work.

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