1,479 thoughts on “You should’ve asked

  1. I have been in a toxic relationship and I can relate to this so much… However, my life turned around by 180 degrees when I left his lazy ass and decided to never live with a man again, which at least freed me of half of the housework. It took a really special person to convince me otherwise.

    Now I am living the dream with the most caring and reliable partner I could have ever dreamt of. He is sharing the chores, but also organizing together with me, thoughtful of the details. Often, I come home to find he thought to do stuff I forgot and vice versa. Our household isn’t perfect but on a level we both can accept. Still, we both are successful in our jobs (not THAT successful we could afford domestic aid, nor would we want one), but enough to be content. He would probably think it’s taken for granted and not accept praise from me, but I know the reality out there is that he’s one in a million.

    So it IS possible to live in a relationship and still both care for each other yet have time for themselves.

    The only way to make this the standard is to teach this responsibility to our sons from the beginning.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I agree with so much of this! I remember early on in our marriage just begging him to anticipate my needs. He replied that he wasn’t a mind reader. So I would give him example after example. If even one dish is dirty, I suggested that he just wash it. So he would… partly. Food would still be dried to it. So I would try to teach him how, and he complained that he couldn’t do it good enough for my standards… trust me that lead to a long argument.

    So I stopped doing anything that wasn’t dire. And he was fine with that until he’d get frustrated and do it himself. I’d tell him, I married a man, not a child, and I know his momma taught him better than that.

    But then I started to think about how he thinks. Any new or ‘new-to-him’ project he does, he has to go to the store for parts more than actually working on the project. Why was he like that? I found out he’s not alone. There are alot of other men like that too.
    They won’t admit to it, but they don’t see the details, they see the whole picture. They don’t see the steps leading up to something, they just see the end result. Unlike women, they compartmentalize tasks, single-minded in their objective. I can’t say that this is something by nature or by nurture, but it’s how my husband’s brain is wired. (Funny cause he’s an electrician)

    Now at work, he can do these tasks, without even thinking they are so ingrained, but at home his brain has the luxury just vegging out.

    We women don’t have that luxury. I think men believe (or make the excuse) that women are “just better at this job” (we aren’t). We’ve done it longer, it should be second nature, right? Big Nope! Or we were trained for this by our moms? Another Big Nope! We are forced on this job 24/7 because we do it out of love. That’s it.

    We love you. So show some gratitude and LOOK FOR WAYS TO HELP, Really Search like it’s a treasure hunt and your marriage is the damsel in distress! This search means you value our time, our sanity, and our love. Men are not idiots, they can be geniuses if they need to be. I, for one, refuse to let my husband and sons play dumb.

    That being said, If allowed, I also promise to take time after work to let him rest, vent, and unwind before starting this new task. I know I have issues and need time retracting my tendrils from one task to start another.

    Liked by 1 person

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