Oh wow, you nailed it. That illustration of you standing over the baby and screaming was me 3 years ago. I did the same thing – put him safely in his cot and ran to the last room. Post-natal depression is very real, and needs to be made common knowledge, not a “special case”.
In Australia, we get up to 2 years maternity leave (only 3-6 months paid, depending on the sector, etc.), and the secondary parent gets another 6 months to a year after you go back to work. Plus, amazing support from the hospital and Maternal & Child Health Nurse – on call 24/7 and home visits.
Now we’re travel-working and are in the middle east, where women have to go back to work after 60 days. SIXTY DAYS! I didn’t even know his routine at 60 days. I didn’t even understand what had happened to my body.
The common justification “women have been doing this for centuries” makes it very easy to pass archaic laws that don’t cater to the wellbeing of the mum or child. I understand that some mums HAVE to go back to work for monetary reasons, and some WANT to go back, I respect that. But it should be made mandatory to see if you CAN. Mentally and physically, can you take on more?
Plus it isn’t AT ALL how it was done for centuries. Prior to the 1940s or thereabouts, pretty much everyone lived with extended family members or had servants who lived with them, or neighbors who would help out. Never, ever, before this, were women expected to parent a child of any age mostly on their own. I think it’s deeply unnatural and hard on both baby and mother.
Loved your depiction of the reality of maternity leave. Excellent points about postpartum depression. Totally can relate as I had a similar experience 18 years ago with the birth of my daughter – except I got to stay 4 nights in the hospital from an emergency C-section.
In the U.S., we only get [up to] 12 weeks of unpaid leave (job protection) unless our company provided something else [which most don’t]. It’s deplorable.
Love love love LOVEEEE this! Exactly how it is! I loved it so much I had to share it on FB, it really gets the point how about PND! Absolutely love it!
Loved it! I’m going to show this post to my mother and tell her how much I love her. Here in India paternity leaves aren’t that convenient & my mum had to go through 2 such “maternity leaves” for my sister and I…
Here in the US we have even less 😦 Hopefully the US *and* France….and everywhere else can finally recognize that leave for birth needs to be a right for all parents!
Vey nice, lovely , caring and heartful post . I liked it very much . It is really amzing !!
In my opinion , singapore & malaysia are the best destinations to go for holidays. Everyone will enjoy there their holidys surely.
Honestly, my situation, in the US, was nothing like this. I had 1.5 days of induced labor that ended in a c/s. Sucked, but not the end of the world. In fact, the doc took me off the meds overnight, got me a meal, and let me rest. After birth, yeah, my body changed, with bonus scar. But my husband stayed with me the entire time, and in the middle of the night, the nurse insisted on taking my son to the nursery so I could sound, because “you’re my patient too”. I suspect she gave him formula, but looking back? I don’t care. I had a massage therapist help with the post – birth swelling, I had a lactation consultant help me, I took childcare classes WITH my husband while I was pregnant, etc. Yes, my husband went back to work. But he also got up every night with me and got me settled to nurse. And when I couldn’t handle the crying, he took over and I did the same for him.
This is so very accurate. And it’s so much worse here in the United States. Unless you have paid sick time you don’t get paid anything for maternity leave and it’s not more than 6-8 weeks. My husband was allowed to stay overnight with me but everything was still on me to handle. I’d also had a C-section and was in tremendous pain for several weeks. He went to work & I was at home 24/7 with the baby because we didn’t have enough money for me to even just go driving with the baby.
In Poland you get 6 months fully paid leave (100%) and another 6 months paid 60% or can choose to get all 12 months for 80%. I must say I seriously love my country 😁
Germany in reality: fathers who take 2 months of paternity leave, normally 1st, together with mom, and 13th, alone, are already heroes. Many companies do not allow even 1 month, insisting on the rights means conflict and potential firing; it is always possible, the nice German labour law is not the last word.
As the result, from one side women are often considered as half-useful already when pregnant, from another mothers returning before kid is 1 year old and/or returning to work full day, 35-40 hours, before the last kid starts the 5th school year, are blamed. Kindergarten or childminder before 3 is still often called “Fremdbetreuung”, “foreign care”, it considered to be a necessary evil, and helpful for migrant kids only.
Mother should be for work AND for kids together, so named “work-life-balance” here. Gender gap is 21%.
2 kids, returning for 40 hours after 3 and 7 months… Thanks to my husband’s company, it has non-typical fully according to the law policy for parents. My kids are in kindergarten together with several french kids, whose parents came to work in a french company in our german town, and their moms do not feel guilty or shamed because of outsourcing kids for 8,5 or more hours per day, just a part of life. German do.
In the usa its unpaid and its 3 months for mom and most dads in the us dont even get leave the few who do get like 2 or possibly 3 weeks again unpaid i think some countrys have it alot better then they think
Very well written and described. I can tell you that if this problem was affecting men, the laws would change overnight but us women are dispensable and we have the magical motherly instinct!
I like this a lot, but in the United States we’re jealous of France!
LikeLiked by 5 people
Good one
Sent from my iPhone because I like typing with my thumbs.
>
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh wow, you nailed it. That illustration of you standing over the baby and screaming was me 3 years ago. I did the same thing – put him safely in his cot and ran to the last room. Post-natal depression is very real, and needs to be made common knowledge, not a “special case”.
In Australia, we get up to 2 years maternity leave (only 3-6 months paid, depending on the sector, etc.), and the secondary parent gets another 6 months to a year after you go back to work. Plus, amazing support from the hospital and Maternal & Child Health Nurse – on call 24/7 and home visits.
Now we’re travel-working and are in the middle east, where women have to go back to work after 60 days. SIXTY DAYS! I didn’t even know his routine at 60 days. I didn’t even understand what had happened to my body.
The common justification “women have been doing this for centuries” makes it very easy to pass archaic laws that don’t cater to the wellbeing of the mum or child. I understand that some mums HAVE to go back to work for monetary reasons, and some WANT to go back, I respect that. But it should be made mandatory to see if you CAN. Mentally and physically, can you take on more?
Phew! Got that off my chest 🙂 Love your blog!
LikeLike
Plus it isn’t AT ALL how it was done for centuries. Prior to the 1940s or thereabouts, pretty much everyone lived with extended family members or had servants who lived with them, or neighbors who would help out. Never, ever, before this, were women expected to parent a child of any age mostly on their own. I think it’s deeply unnatural and hard on both baby and mother.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Why do I have a feeling that if this affected men as much as it affects women, the laws would change overnight?
LikeLike
Exactly!!!
LikeLike
Loved your depiction of the reality of maternity leave. Excellent points about postpartum depression. Totally can relate as I had a similar experience 18 years ago with the birth of my daughter – except I got to stay 4 nights in the hospital from an emergency C-section.
LikeLike
In the U.S., we only get [up to] 12 weeks of unpaid leave (job protection) unless our company provided something else [which most don’t]. It’s deplorable.
LikeLike
Great work, Emma. Looking forward to what you share next.
LikeLike
Really dig your creations. ty
LikeLike
Love love love LOVEEEE this! Exactly how it is! I loved it so much I had to share it on FB, it really gets the point how about PND! Absolutely love it!
LikeLike
Loved it! I’m going to show this post to my mother and tell her how much I love her. Here in India paternity leaves aren’t that convenient & my mum had to go through 2 such “maternity leaves” for my sister and I…
LikeLike
Reblogged this on Μέρα Νύχτα.
LikeLike
Thank you so much for this history.
LikeLike
Here in the US we have even less 😦 Hopefully the US *and* France….and everywhere else can finally recognize that leave for birth needs to be a right for all parents!
LikeLike
Thank you for sharing so brutally and honestly! Merci merci beaucoup!
LikeLike
Love it, tells it like it is. ❤
LikeLike
Awesome 🙂
LikeLike
So happy to find your blog.
LikeLike
Vey nice, lovely , caring and heartful post . I liked it very much . It is really amzing !!
In my opinion , singapore & malaysia are the best destinations to go for holidays. Everyone will enjoy there their holidys surely.
LikeLike
Honestly, my situation, in the US, was nothing like this. I had 1.5 days of induced labor that ended in a c/s. Sucked, but not the end of the world. In fact, the doc took me off the meds overnight, got me a meal, and let me rest. After birth, yeah, my body changed, with bonus scar. But my husband stayed with me the entire time, and in the middle of the night, the nurse insisted on taking my son to the nursery so I could sound, because “you’re my patient too”. I suspect she gave him formula, but looking back? I don’t care. I had a massage therapist help with the post – birth swelling, I had a lactation consultant help me, I took childcare classes WITH my husband while I was pregnant, etc. Yes, my husband went back to work. But he also got up every night with me and got me settled to nurse. And when I couldn’t handle the crying, he took over and I did the same for him.
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is so very accurate. And it’s so much worse here in the United States. Unless you have paid sick time you don’t get paid anything for maternity leave and it’s not more than 6-8 weeks. My husband was allowed to stay overnight with me but everything was still on me to handle. I’d also had a C-section and was in tremendous pain for several weeks. He went to work & I was at home 24/7 with the baby because we didn’t have enough money for me to even just go driving with the baby.
You’re so right that this needs to change.
LikeLike
In Poland you get 6 months fully paid leave (100%) and another 6 months paid 60% or can choose to get all 12 months for 80%. I must say I seriously love my country 😁
LikeLike
Germany in reality: fathers who take 2 months of paternity leave, normally 1st, together with mom, and 13th, alone, are already heroes. Many companies do not allow even 1 month, insisting on the rights means conflict and potential firing; it is always possible, the nice German labour law is not the last word.
As the result, from one side women are often considered as half-useful already when pregnant, from another mothers returning before kid is 1 year old and/or returning to work full day, 35-40 hours, before the last kid starts the 5th school year, are blamed. Kindergarten or childminder before 3 is still often called “Fremdbetreuung”, “foreign care”, it considered to be a necessary evil, and helpful for migrant kids only.
Mother should be for work AND for kids together, so named “work-life-balance” here. Gender gap is 21%.
2 kids, returning for 40 hours after 3 and 7 months… Thanks to my husband’s company, it has non-typical fully according to the law policy for parents. My kids are in kindergarten together with several french kids, whose parents came to work in a french company in our german town, and their moms do not feel guilty or shamed because of outsourcing kids for 8,5 or more hours per day, just a part of life. German do.
LikeLike
In the usa its unpaid and its 3 months for mom and most dads in the us dont even get leave the few who do get like 2 or possibly 3 weeks again unpaid i think some countrys have it alot better then they think
LikeLike
Very well written and described. I can tell you that if this problem was affecting men, the laws would change overnight but us women are dispensable and we have the magical motherly instinct!
LikeLike